Wednesday, February 21, 2007 

You know its a bad day when...


1) you get laughed at at the local pizza place because you dont know which day it is today.
2) your toes are swollen and cold.
3) your house smells of heated metal, and your pressure cooker is screwed
4) your shower head is broken.

I shall explain in more detail.

1) its tuesday, and this pizza place near my house has discount pizza slices. so i go there this afternoon, but when i reached there, i had forgotten exactly which day it was. instead of checking my phone, i proceeded to ask the shopkeeper which day it was, and he replied wednesday. i immediately realised i had other plans for wednesday, and left the shop, came back near to my place when i realised today was in fact tuesday. i go back to the shop and find the shop owner and the 3 customers there in the afternoon laughing at me.

i buy my pizzas and leave, mentally making a promise not to come back to this shop for a long time.

result-loss of dignity.

2) since i had decided i was not going to the pizza place for dinner too, i decided to make sambar. so i put the dhall in the cooker, and soon realised i had no tamarind left to make any sambar. therefore, i decided to go to the indian store nearby to get some tamarind

.mistake? i had forgotten that i had left my cooker with the dhall on.

anyway, since the weather was a nice 2 degrees when i left, i figured i'd wear sandals and go out since i was too lazy to wear my shoes. but then, being the dreamy, absent minded idiot that i am, no sooner had i stepped out of my house when i stepped onto a puddle of frozen ice/water. with sandals.

my toes were frozen, but since the shop was nearby, i thought i may as well walk to the place and get the stuff. so i walk to the place, and my toes kept getting number all the way to the palce and back.

result- frozen, highly itchy, swollen toes.

3) half way on the way back, i realised i had left the cooker on with the dhall and forgotten to switch it off. being a pressure cooker, it is highly likely that the pressure can build up over time in the cooker and soon it could be a potential weapon. luckily my mother, in all her infinite wisdom (or maybe she just knew how absent minded/stupid i can be) got a special cooker wiht a safety valve. in case the pressure builds up too much in the cooker, this special valve things melts letting out all the steam.

which is a good thing, except that when i came back home, my house was filled with the released gas. which means my house smells of burnt metal and burnt dhall. and the fire alarm was ringing too, but luckily it was only in my house, which meant all these could be solved by simply opening the balcony door. except that now its cold, so im sitting here frozen and typing this msg out.

result-stinky house, screwed up cooker, no food :(

4)anyway, as i felt i had diffused the cooker-bomb, i decided to take care of my toes which were starting to itch a lot more now. so i step into the bathtub to wash my toes in hot water, but for balance i held onto the shower head.

heres where all you fucers who said i had become thin were wrong. the shower head broke, bathing in me in (thankfully warm) water. i had to switch off the shower faucet, and thankfully i still have water from the taps.

result-broken and leaky shower head.

total result- no dignity; frozen, itchy, swollen toes; stinky house; screwed up cooker; and broken shower.

lessons learnt:
1) mothers are wise.
2) take your phone wherever you go.
3) dont daydream when walking out in the cold.
4) laziness is a curse.
5) absent mindedness is a curse.
6) i need a wife :shifty eyes:

ah, the fascinating life of bharat tekkuluru srinivasa :)

ps-the story continues.


I had an interview today, so i was sitting and ironing my clothes. however, since my house was still smelling from yesterday, i had left the balcony door open.

and heres where the bad luck shows its ugly head.

i go to the kitchen to get some water, and by the time i come back, a plastic cover had blown in through the open balcony door, and gotten stuck to the hot iron.

result- my iron is screwed, and my house stinks of molten plastic, deep fried metal and burnt dhall :)

someone do dhrishi suthu for me at a koil nearby.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 

New year greetings.

As the title says.

Happy New Year. May your new year be filled with rivers of sambar and mountains of dosas :)

My greetings from last yr still holds. May this year go by fast too.

I apologise for not updating the blog in a while. I would like to attribute that to my increased maturity, thus ensuring that the random part of me is suppressed until otherwise, but people who know me well enough know that such a travesty is not possible. But who knows?



Sunday, October 29, 2006 


a poem i actually wrote based on another friend.

however, its been slightly modified.

t'was a fine morning when i left my house,
went up to my farm to milk the cows.
but lo and behold, what i found there,
was nikhil in his underwear.

screaming like a girl, i ran away
completely stunned, i had nothing to say.
i packed my bags and sold the house
i sped away to alaska on a white mouse.

nikhil followed me through the frozen expanse,
the fucing idiot still hadnt put on his pants
full of fear, i made a snow ball,
but he stood right there and said "LOL"

gathering my strength, i threw the thing,
and surprisingly, nikhil started to sing.
that inititated an avalance,
which led me straight to MJ's ranch.

i m sorry, nikhil :p

Friday, October 13, 2006 


Procrastination Heralds Really Un Imaginable Timewasting.

Four score and seven years ago,
This world was ruled by a Mango.
Soft and sweet on the outside,
He concealed a seed, rock hard.

In the fruit basket, they lived in peace,
The apple was fat and the papaya, a tease.
Everything did seem fine in the kingdom,
But who controls, processes random.

For there did live, quite a few rebels
The coco-nut and his allies, orange navels.
Try, they did to overthrow the king,
But were kept in control by the police.

The police force consisted of specially selected grapes,
Without seed, hung around in bunches and wore green capes,
These fighters were feared by rebels basket-wide,
And answered only to the king.

However as all stories go, there was a traitor,
A grape that was a hater.
In truth he was a date in disguise,
Freshly imported from the hottest deserts.

All masterminded by the evil pear,
The coconut, the date and the oranges here,
Hatched a plan to overthrow the king,
For what greater glory, then to control the basket.

One dark night, they creeped into the palace,
Climbed up the stairs, and crept through the terrace,
Over powered the slippery banana guards,
But came face-to-face with the grape forces.

A war was launched, but now I m tired,
Suffice to say that many seeds were fired,
Who was the victor, we'll never know.
For I turned all the fruits into juice :)

bah. i actually wanted to expand on the poem, but i got bored halfway through it.

Sunday, September 24, 2006 


Hello everybody!!

Its your favourite home alone kid, tsb, here again, with some tips on being miserly at home, thusly saving your money, your dad's money and proving the stereotype about Indians being cheap.

On today's episode, we look at household chores that any person should do, specially if its an alternative to studying.


Ah...The bane of many. How many times have we regretted not washing our clothes on the river bank, or on the washing stone strategically placed in the house so that the maami (auntiji) next door can see you and give her beautiful daughter in arranged marriage to you.

But then, as the french say...C'est la vie.

Now, a word of advice. Simply because you dont like using mechanical tools such as washing machines, it does not mean you should not wash your clothes. Well, that is a way to keep the white people away from you but thats a different story.
You see, we Indians secrete curry from our pores, and thats a scientifically proven fact. Of course, the constituents of the curry can differ from state to state; for instance a Gujarati would secrete Gujarati Khadi from his pores; a Punjabi, Dal Makhani; a Tamilian, Onion sambar and a Malayalee, banana chips. Oh, and another word of advice. If you're hyderabadi... you stink :shifty eyes:

Yanyway, for washing your clothes, AND preserving valuable money, I suggest you dont buy all these high funda washing detergents. They cost a lot of money, and they are not natural. Therefore, I would suggest either shipping in tons of Rin detergent soaps when you come, or if you're all out of them, just cut up your bath soap and throw it in with the clothes. I personally prefer the bath soap idea, as not only are you preserving your precious rin, now this way you dont have to take a bath because your clothes naturally smell like how you would smell after taking a bath! *

(*The host assumes that all readers take their baths atleast once a week :shifty eyes:)

And that is all we have in todays section of Home Alone Tips. Now a word from our sponsors.


Thursday, September 07, 2006 

Vande Mataram

सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
सस्य श्यामलां मातरंम् .
शुभ्र ज्योत्सनाम् पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित द्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम् .
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ॥

सप्त कोटि कन्ठ कलकल निनाद कराले
द्विसप्त कोटि भुजैर्ध्रत खरकरवाले
के बोले मा तुमी अबले
बहुबल धारिणीम् नमामि तारिणीम्
रिपुदलवारिणीम् मातरम् ॥

तुमि विद्या तुमि धर्म, तुमि ह्रदि तुमि मर्म
त्वं हि प्राणाः शरीरे
बाहुते तुमि मा शक्ति,
हृदये तुमि मा भक्ति,
तोमारै प्रतिमा गडि मन्दिरे-मन्दिरे ॥

त्वं हि दुर्गा दशप्रहरणधारिणी
कमला कमलदल विहारिणी
वाणी विद्यादायिनी, नमामि त्वाम्
नमामि कमलां अमलां अतुलाम्
सुजलां सुफलां मातरम् ॥

श्यामलां सरलां सुस्मितां भूषिताम्
धरणीं भरणीं मातरम् ॥

I spent about half the day looking for the song so I could download it onto my phone, or atleast just post it here.

Arjun Singh's just being a bastard. There was no reason to make singing this song voluntarily, specially since no one has spoken against it since the 1930's.

Fuck you, Arjun Singh. Fuck you.


Friday, August 11, 2006 

How girls talk.

So there I was, one gloomy day at the University of Toronto, minding my own business studying archaelogy when suddenly...

bah. stupid start.

Anyway, so there I was sitting on one corner of the table, and next to me and opposite me are two girls sitting (friends, i know them too).
I m busy studying (by which i mean i m staring at the squirrels outside the window) when suddenly, girl A (the one sitting next to me) gets up and walks out.
She comes back a little later, and this is the convo that happened. Almost literally, but with a little bit of exaggeration. as usual :p

girl a (one sitting beside me)- *Looks at girl b and smiles*
girl b (one sitting opposite me)- *looks at girl a and smiles*
tsb- *looks up, shrugs, looks back at notes*

2 minutes later:
girl a- i m back *giggle*
girl b- like really *giggle*
tsb- *scratching head*

2 minutes later:
girl b- so, i like like your nails. they're like so pretty.
girl a- like, i know. i love the pink colour. and did oyu know like ____ like ___ like ____ like ___ like ____ like _____. *giggle*
girl b-like really? like omg!
tsb- *starting to pull hair out*

2 minute silence
girl a- so do you know? like the guy sitting next to me. he like calls himself metrosexual!
girl b- like really? like, what does he mean?
girl a-like, he has these really long pretty nails, and then he's like "i just got a manicure*
girl b- like really?
girl a- like yeah! but the funny thing is, like when you get a manicure, they, like cut oyur fingernails really short!
girl b-like yeah. like when i got my hair cut *starts talking for 10 minutes about how her barber actually sat there pulling each hair out*
tsb- *pulls out more hair of one's head*

few minutes later:
girl a- ___ is like so pretty!!
girl b- like yeah. didnt ____ have a crush on her? (___=mutual friend)
girl a- like really? like, they dont even seem compatible!
girl b-like yeah. i dont know like whats going on.
*10 minute discussion on this subject*
tsb-*has no more hair to pull out*

theres only one thing for me to ask.

WHY did i actually sit their and try to decipher their language? WHY?? :@:@:@:'(:'(

someone please kill me :(

ps- divs. keep that maatu vandi with rathna cafe sambar ready.
thanks :)